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TVA’s Guide to the World Cup for Those Who Hate ‘Soccer’, Part I: “Knowing the Game”

Posted on June 17, 2014

Admittedly, there are a numbered few out there that enjoy “The Beautiful Game” and look forward to the World Cup whenever it happens.

There are others among our complement that look forward to this about as much as a barbed-wire colonoscopy. There are a number of reasons. Hate the fans. Don’t like watching grown men tumbleweeding their way across the field after being brushed by a Kleenex in a look of gallstone-passing agony. And why don’t they use their damn hands?
You know you hate it, you feel smug about it, and will tell anyone who will listen about your abhorrence of the sport like an atheist two drinks in. But something inside you feels like you’re missing out, like when “Life of Pi” was a thing and you had to resort to conversational input like “Yeah…loved the tiger”.

That’s where I can help. Here’s some quick tips to let you still take cursory participation in office conversations about Bosnia and Herzegovina without asking “Seriously, is that a place or did you make it up?” Use these and it will make your month of Hell slide by like England’s chances of winning the thing.

So Close To Being a Host

Posted on January 21, 2014

in Views

by TVA

Admittedly, this whole rant could be fueled by the fact that I’m reading the Johnny Carson book now, but I’m bummed.

Story is this: I had the chance to host a weekly talk show on TV and now it appears that if the opp were any more dead, it would have been photographed in the company Rob Ford.

Yes, it would have been voluntary. Yes, it would have been without pay. Yes, it would have been hard work. Yes, I was totally up for it. And yes, the producer wanted me to do it. But the all the scenery fell to the floor Charlie Chaplin-style.

Doing It Clean

Posted on August 23, 2012

in Travel, Views

by TVA

This has been kicking around in my mind for a couple of weeks so I thought I’d put some words out there on this.

Recently I did a couple of what was described to me as “needing to be squeaky clean corporate comedy” shows. Suddenly I pictured a room full of my grandmother, her friends, and members of the Sunday School Teachers Union Local #79. Not the case. One was at a full-on theatre with balcony in a small town. The other was under a tent at a blueberry farm.

Lest We Forget

Posted on November 11, 2009

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by TVA

Just got sent this and I thought I'd share. The sentiment is definitely mutual. Thanks to Terry Kelly for this wonderful work. Lest we forget....

Thank God for Atheists.

Posted on February 16, 2009

in Views

by TVA

My buddy Rick Kaulbars posted a reference to a letter he submitted to the editor of the Ottawa Metro in the “Shameless Self-Promotion” section of the Ottawa Comedy Resource, a great frequently-posted-to site dedicated to the Ottawa comedy scene. I proceeded to get into a debate with Rick that soon spiralled into something not befitting that section of the site. You can read how far we got to by clicking HERE. Since I couldn’t stop thinking about this entire issue and my side of the debate, I decided to post my argument where it is most appropriate. On my own damn website.

There’s a new ad campaign that is making the rounds of controversy in the UK and is soon to join us over here. A collection of bus ads will soon say words akin to, and I am paraphrasing here, “There is no God, so you might as well treat each other nicely anyway.”

Well, here we go.