Titties

Titties

So, anyone looking at the schedule for last night would notice that there was to be a ¡Clambake! show at the Yellow Griffin. We thought so as well. Cut to 7:55pm after we sorted out parking and all that. We stroll in ready to do two fairly heavy sketches on the small stage for the Griffin’s what-was-supposed-to-be sketch night. We were then faced with the usual austere Eastern European women that run the bar stating “There eez no komody tonight!” Well, cursing what we assumed to be the Oscars™, we cursed and figured out what to do next.

As I recalled I was blowing off the Old York to do this gig, and one of our friends from the Second City Conservatory program was performing stand-up for the first time. So back to where we should have been…

As soon as we got in to the Old York, we noticed that there were actually civilians in the place. Not too bad given we were competing with the Mother-and-Daughter Rivers Family Fawn-a-Thon that already screwed us out of a show. Mister was looking for a starter for the show and I put forth ¡Clambake! As a candidate. Not having the luxury of a 10 minute sketch spot, we found one piece to do with Rankin showering up for a date and me narrating in a 50’s-era educational film style. Guess you had to be there. We fired off the show and it was really well received even considering we were first out of the gate. Once a bigger timeslot and venue is procured, we should be good to go with the original three sketch pieces we’ve got. Must admit, the material is coming together slowly but surely. Not that any of that success can be attributed to my writing. Nonetheless, could probably procure a 20-to-30 minute spot at some point.

And not to confirm that I’m a showbiz whore or anything, there were enough spots open on the show for me to steal one. Not having any new material I wanted to do, I threw on my floppy Molson Canadian fishing hat and hit the stage after James Butlin with a character that I stated was my grandfather who was a Toronto historian. People were telling me that the guy I was doing was sort of a mash of “On Golden Pond” Henry Fonda and Adam Sandler’s “Cajun Man”. I thought he was simply the missing Williamson Playboy (http://www.williamsonplayboys.com/). So I simply used the character to answer questions about Toronto’s history; how streets came to be named (by ripping off a Martin O’Brien bit), why the Old York’s area is called Hogtown (because of the old slappers the boys from Fort York used to go out with), and stuff like that.

Must admit you can get away with doing things as a character more so than if you’re doing straight stand-up. People can confirm that indeed it’s someone else you’re doing and confirms that the whole thing is an act. If you said the same thing as straight stand-up or whatever, people assume what you’re saying to be the literal truth. Sort of like the difference between bible literalists and scholars, I guess. Example? Well, I was into my character for about 45 seconds when Sharon DeWitt got ready to leave (Note: Her material has gotten really good but also much dirtier than before. She’s finding a great balance.). So as “Titus” (name given to my old man by MC Dave Pild) saw her leaving he drew attention to it, and Sharon apologized. So Titus says “Oh, that’s fine little lady, you can go. I’m done with you, I’m through staring at your titties. I’ll see you on stage at Jilly’s Monday night…I’m just kidding, I’m just kidding. She done got promoted to Wednesdays…” Sharon laughed at that as she left. If I had said that as Todd Van Allen, I’d probably be trying to type this with one hand, the other being occupied with holding a mouthful of teeth.

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