Author:TVA

This is Not the Blogpost I Wanted to Write

This is not the blogpost I wanted to write. Not in the least. I was hoping to start the year by writing something optimistic, something with a nod to the fact that 2014 was a never-ending Vine of a guy getting hoofed in the nuts by...

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Thanks, Everyone!

And with that, Monday had me turn a fairly decent milestone of an age. There’s something special about having a birthday divisible by 10, and only slightly less champagne-poppingly good about having one divisible by five. So that was this one. Not only divisible by five, but also by nine. That’s right. I’m 90. Hard to believe that in the middle of the Roaring ‘20s, with William Lyon Mackenzie King in office, Canadian comedic icon Don Harron born a mere 10 days previous, and to the tune of “Rhapsody in Blue” I would pop my head outside and signal six more weeks of fall. So a few thoughts.

TVA’s Guide to the World Cup for Those Who Hate ‘Soccer’, Part VI: Quarterfinals

Only four teams left. Only four games left. We’re at the point where you’re using the handle of your toothbrush to get the last bit of hatred out. Squeeeeeeeze that football loathing! But people are still flapping their pie-holes about this four-year festival, so use these reviews to sound smart, erudite and well in the know. Also make shit up.

 

France 0 – 1 Germany

You ever see the movie “Hancock”? The one where Hancock (played by the always affable and vaguely Scientology-ish Will Smith) does his superhero job but doesn’t seem to give a shit? And just goes through the motions, but then finally gathers up the gumption and finds joy in his life again and makes a true difference in the end? France was just like Hancock! Except they didn’t wise up at the end, failed at everything they tried, and are only slightly Scientology-ish. The game ends perfectly with German keeper Neuer saving France’s final shot doing his best impression of the word “Noooooooooooooope!” Mon Dieu.

Completely Made-Up Statistic from the Match: Germany won without completing one single pass.

Rating: 5 Torn Up Asphalt Streets and Totaled Busses out of 10