Again With The TwitterCast…My Other Night @TheRiv

Again With The TwitterCast…My Other Night @TheRiv

So, yeah. I figured “What the hell, I’ll fire it up again” and did the AltDot New Material Night. Main motivation? I hadn’t put the first one to video. So now thanks to a couple of my best pals, I’ve got it in the can. I’ll work on getting it posted soon to the “Videos” section of the website.

Again, I was nowhere near the stage, and had my entire segment that I typed into Twitter projected onto a screen at the Riv. It was great hearing the deafening silence as people read what I was typing on the fly, and then laughing at the punchline. Even better was when they’d anticipate what I was typing and barrel to the end of the joke.

Here once again is the transcript of last night. I kept in all of the typos and the like as I had way too much material for my spot. I’ll soon post the deleted scenes. Enjoy!

And here we go…

Hi all.

I said…HI ALL!

gLAD TO be here tonight.

A lot of folks saw this the first time I used tTwitter to do a show here and thought it was neat.

To be honest, I’m just sick and tired of talking to you peopl.e

For those of you who don’t know this is Twitter. It’s like Facebook except all you get is the status line and all other apps removed.

Including that “Which Sex in the City Girl are You?” app. I hate that thing. I’m always the slutty one.

So the topic is red meat. In my research I googled “red meat” today.

Had no idea that there were so many websites dedicated to N ative American porn.

Don’t believe me? Check out Poke-A Hot


I like red meat because quite frankly, I think the rain forests have been getting just a bit too cocky lately.

“i control the world’s climate…blahblahblah”

I’d be all for the deforestation of the forests if the meat they raised wasn’t being used for McDonald’s.

That’s like being evicted from your home so that they can put up the “Britney Spears: A Decade of Hillbilly Shame” theme park

I do feel that we”ve lost something in how we eat. In the past, cavemen would risk life and limb to fell a mighty beast for dinner.

Now the only risk we have is a Harvey’s in Norht Bay.

I take my meat rare, which really gets up the nose of my vegetarian friends, until I explained it’s part of my raw food diet.

We then hugged, grabbed our LuLuLemon mats, and wept in our non-fat soy lattes to Bruce Cockburn’s “If a tree falls in the forest

My fave vegetarians are the ones that say they are but truly aren’t. The convo usually goes like this:

“So can I get you a burger”

No, I’m a vegetarian

So, a veggie burger then?

No, I don’t like those. I’ll have chicken or fish.

[So…You’re not a vegetarian. You just don’t eat red meat.

Yes I am. I just eat fish and chicken.

Any other defs you choose to alter? Because I’ve rewritten the one for ‘douchebag’ to include several specific references to you.

The biggest sales of Spam are in Papau New Guinea. They atttribute this to the fact that the culture is rooted in cannibalism.

…and that Spam when cooked closest resembles human flesh.

Spam represents a human-free alternative to their previous top-selling product…


Thanks and good night, all.


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